« Celebrities Must Have So Many Complexes »

SCENE 1: PARALLEL PARKING

At Urth Caffè, behind a dark grey Range Rover that couldn’t decide which spot she wanted. A few awkward maneuvers, and the driver and I were face to face. window down, window down
I say, "Do you want this spot or the one behind you?"
The girl replies, while pushing her large sunglasses up her nose, "This one, am I in it?"
"Yes," and I notice the large, white skulls all over her black sweater. smile, smile, window up, window up
Taleen, with a little less enthusiasm than the exclamation points imply: "Hey that’s Michelle Trachtenberg! You know, Harriet the Spy!"
Not sure what to think, I say, "Oh. Okay. I haven't seen that movie. . . But why do you know her name?
Either she doesn't really answer, or I am pondering the paradox of celebrity life and don't hear her.

SCENE 2: PARKING METER

As I put money in, Harriet the Spy runs/skips back towards the meter and says, "Oh look at me, I totally forgot to pay! Thank God I had some quahtahs." I look her in the eye and wonder to myself, "quahtahs?"

SCENE 3: CASH REGISTER

In the caffè, still standing next to Harriet the Spy, I reply to the gay Asian waiter, "Half chicken curry sandwich, and . . . you have hot tea right?" The slender, plucked man-boy plays his usual tune with, "Yes, what kind would you like?"
"I guess earl grey is safe."
And in a very aggressive step towards me, he breathes heavily and whispers, "Okay, gorgeous."
Taken off-guard, I open my mouth in one of those uncontrollably loud laughs and show him my molars.
He takes back that aggressive step and says, "What? You don’t believe me?"

WAS HE REFERING TO HIS COMPLIMENT OR HIS SEXUALITY?


Five minutes later, Lele Sobieski enters and orders food.